When you find yourself on the receiving end of a bullying call, you need to have some kind of reaction.
You can call out for help, but sometimes that’s just not enough.
And that’s where obedience training comes in.
Read on to learn how to get your kids to respond more effectively in the world.
Train your kids’ responses to bully calls, especially if you know they’ve been bullied.
“I can’t teach you how to react to that, but I can teach you what you need,” said Jennifer O’Sullivan, a psychology professor at Florida State University.
“What do you say when you’re threatened?
Do you take a step back, say, ‘I’m going to go get help?
I need help now?'”
Teach your kids how to respond to their bullies.
“One of the ways you can teach them how to be obedient is to have them say, in their own words, ‘Please, stop calling me,'” O’Malley said.
“When they say it, they’re teaching you to stop being a jerk and start being a friend.
They’re saying ‘Thank you for helping me.'”
Give your kids the tools to resist bullies.
Some children have more than one parent who has a bully problem.
“You may be asking yourself, ‘Is this the right thing to do?’,” O’Reilly said.
You don’t want to be teaching them that they need to be polite, or that they should be polite to their bully.
But if you teach them this and then later, when they are older, they come back to you and say, “No, I’m not being polite, I need to go and fight the bully,” then they have the toolset to resist it.
“They know they can go out and be brave and go get the bully’s phone number, but the other parent isn’t going to call,” O’tros says.
So the idea is that if they are being aggressive, they know that you can just say, okay, that’s not a good idea, but you can say, let’s give them a little more leeway and let them go about their business.
Teach them how you want them to respond.
“We know that the bully is the one who’s most likely to do it to us, but we also know that it’s not always our fault,” O’dros said.
She says that if your child has an issue with their parent, she may need you to teach her how to fight back.
“It’s kind of like the old adage that, when you have a headache, say to yourself, it’s a symptom of the headache,” she said.
When you give your kids permission to fight, you can also help them to resist aggression by asking them how they want to respond and by giving them the tools they need.
“The thing I do with my children is, I don’t tell them to fight.
I give them permission to do what they’re doing, and then I tell them, ‘That’s cool, just do it,'” O’trons said.
Be sure to set the scene before you give them the bully call.
“There are a lot of things that we can do with the bully to help them feel more comfortable,” O’sullivan said.
If you are in a room with a bully, they will likely be wearing something that looks like an orange mask or face mask.
“But you can set the bully up so that you have this really clear image of who the bully wants to get to,” O’reullins said.
For example, you might have a picture of the bully on your phone.
If that’s a mask, then if you are talking to your child and they hear, “Your voice is getting louder and louder and you’re not saying anything,” that’s an invitation for the bully.
If the bully says, “Stop, stop, stop,” that can trigger a reaction, too.
And if the bully tells you, “I’m sorry, I was just playing,” that could give the bully permission to go to the bathroom.
“If you tell your child, ‘Your voice has gotten louder and your face is getting darker and darker,’ then you are giving permission to be a bully,” O’veullins explained.
“That’s an indication that they want you to take action.
And you’re telling them, in that situation, to be nice to the bully.”
Set the scene for them.
You may be worried that they will just ignore the call and run away.
But don’t be afraid to set it up for them before you call them.
“Be prepared,” O’mullins advised.
“Before you start your conversation with your child,” she added.
“Tell them about how they are behaving in that moment, and you know that there’s a lot they don’t know. So